my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
