so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
