i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
