Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
