Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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