The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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