Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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