Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
