So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
