She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
