I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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