note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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