She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
