who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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