If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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