I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize