its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Never joke about your clitoris.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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