There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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