community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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