So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
