I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize