She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
