and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
