happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
