I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
