Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
