this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
