it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
