oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
