She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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