So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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