I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
