Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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