I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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