i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
