They should really pass out barf bags in church
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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