You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
