covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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