i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You can't just leave with hair like that
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
