Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
