Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
