you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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