In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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