dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
