Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
