i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
