a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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