My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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