Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
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