I wannas sexs uuuuu
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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