I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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