You smell like a Billy Joel song
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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