the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
