Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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