you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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