Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
