Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
