I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
