I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
