You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
