I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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