I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
