i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
and she was petting her beer can
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
