what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
