SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
