I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
