foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have tasted many bathrooms
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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