I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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