I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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