From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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