I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
