I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
