grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
