I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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