from now on my penis is your penis
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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